Oh wow that sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is. I’m safe and well, promise. I have no plans to harm myself or others… well except for the jumping off the bridge part — but that isn’t til July!
Let me ‘splain…
If your friends jumped off a bridge…
Don’t call 9-1-1 but this is an emergency post. Just as I did last week, I’m writing on Tuesday with Wednesday deadline looming large. I have about 4 posts 90% “there” but I think they are lacking. My work is missing that little pizzaz to be proud of… cue metaphor for my life.
You see I’ve felt pretty blah over the last few weeks and that has influenced my writing — or lack there of. Life events are pretty good actually but I haven’t felt it. I’m still go-go-going along but inside something has been misfiring.
I haven’t had the little extra oomph to really enjoy the good. I’ve tried coaxing. I’ve tried bullying. I’ve tried ignoring. I’ve been going about my days and to-do list hoping, willing, wanting the spark to return. It doesn’t work that way.
Now, finally, I feel jazzed. My mind is whirring and clicking and my heart is racing. Caffeine rush? No. Runner’s high? Nope. Yoga bliss? Not so much. Mental break? Perhaps…
I signed up to join Joel and 28 others for the Plummet at the Summit. I said “Yes. I’m in.”
Card charged. Book it. Done.
“Holy Afforgato what am I thinking?!” is competing with “Weeeeeee!” in my monkey brain. I’m going against all the screaming of my “better judgement” voices (dangerous! so expensive! what about the STP? why?! etc ).
I’m scared but t I hit confirm. After the jolt and adrenaline dump, spendidamn I feel better than I have in weeks.
I wouldn’t classify myself as an adrenaline junkie. Bungee Jumping isn’t even on my journey list but what got me was this from Joel: “You have the choice of whether to jump or not.”
Personal choice to take on a challenge or not is an idea I can totally get behind.
I signed up it because it is scary fun. I’ll get to that bridge because it will challenge me to do so. Then I will have to decide if I will take the leap.
Choice to be IN
I know I will likely not be the girl who singlehandedly walks across the country, invents the next “it” product that saves or transforms lives, or starts a revolution of ideas. I am inspired by those that do such grand things but I’m content being a joiner, a helper, an inspiring adventurer on a smaller scale.
I aim to be and the woman who hears of a challenge, a pursuit, a goal and says “I want to do that!” Then decide I will.
I say “I’m in.”
I cobble together adventures that excite and challenge me. Maybe they aren’t setting world records or grabbing international headlines but they are big in my life. They keep me IN my life. They make me happy to be thus.
It isn’t easy. I’m crazy scared that I’m going to back out, that something bad is going to happen, that I’m going to make an utter fool of myself… or that I might die or mangle myself or whatever…
That is all a battle the I’ll wage in July. The bigger, more important, part right now is: I am excited IN this moment.
It is all mental.
I mean really, what did I do? I filed out an Internet form — clickity clickity boom — not really that difficult. So many choices in life are easy-difficult that way. Walk through a door? Easy. Walk into a strange room where you don’t know anyone? Not so easy. Show up to a shopping center on a Friday morning? Easy. Show up to bike 200 miles? Not so easy. Clickity-clickity on computer? Easy.
Publicly committing to willingly throw yourself off a perfectly good bridge with a group of relative strangers on the other side of the country? To grasp and internalize an idea then commit to it, the mental and emotional shifts it takes, are large and should not be underestimated.
Little keyboard strokes or not, I did that much while others would shy away.
We all have the choice of who we want to be.
I AM that girl who says “yes, why the hell not?! I’ll join in on this adventure.” Even when I have to grind it out in the meanwhile when I don’t feel like it, I still like that woman who is living this life.
I will continue to challenge myself to be the woman who says “I’m IN.”
So another date is on my calendar. I got a healthy jolt of fear to get me through this week (and another blog post). I have another event to greatly anticipate in July.
Yet it isn’t about jumping off the bridge. It is bigger and more mundane than that. It is the opportunities that surround us every day. It is the every day decisions. It is the easy-hard work.
It is the choice we face every day to make choices. Be IN?
When faced with a choice that aligns with who we want to be and where we want to go, we say: “Yes. I’m in.”
To you, my dear reader, I say: big or small, say “yes” to something scary today. Decide to that thing you’ve been thinking about but putting off. Tell someone. Send the email. Make the phone call. Put up your money for the event. Click Submit. Commit to going and doing.
Have you committed to an exciting challenge to be more in your life? What little-big scary are you going to do today? Let us know in the comments.
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